Kill it with Fire
by owlcat92
Summary: So... I thought I would have a shot at a Mary-Sue parody. Be scared of those creatures.. be very scared. Rated T for evil Sues! - Cat


**So... Uh... ****_yeah._**** I have been reading way to many Mary-Sue Parodies to be healthy. So.. here's mine? **

It was a normal day at Titans Tower. Starfire was in the kitchen, making what looked like concrete with shards of hard candy thrown in, Cyborg was competing against Beast Boy in 'Mega Monkeys 5', Raven had her nose deep in a book, eyebrow twitching at the nose around her, and Robin? Well Robin was sitting in the corner, an empty cup of Coffee (Or more than one) on the ground beside him, info on Slade scattered all around him.

That's when something _completely unholy_ walked into the room, her voice beautiful and angelic "So… what's going on today guys?" She asked, causing everything to come to a stop, everybody just looked at her.

"Uh…" Beast Boy spoke up "Who are you?"  
"Oh!" The girl yelled brightly "I'm Samantha Cory Rose Flower Golden Shadow Glow Fairy-Dust Sparkle Rainbow Glitter" She took a deep breath and continued "Princess Pink Ruby Scarlet Sunlight Diamond Thompson! Call me Sam!"

The mouths of the Titans on the floor - What the _hell _were her parents _thinking_? - "And why are you in our Tower?" Robin said, collecting himself quicker than the others, I mean, he had seen the Joker flying around on a Christmas tree, he could deal with this girl.

"I work with you, silly!" She screamed "I've _always _been here!" She forced power into her words; it was almost like she was trying to convince them with unreal truths.

It was then they finally took in her appearance.

She was drop dead _gorgeous, _her waist was small yet her figure was large, forming a amazing hourglass shape that shouldn't have been possible. Her bust was large, yet not overbearing and fake. Her legs were long and hairless. Her hair was knee length, an amazing sunburnt orange colour that seemed to have natural brown highlights in it - it was styled in long loose curls that fell around her face, framing it. Her eyes were a magnificent blue, that should not - Hands down - have been possible without contacts, yet she pulled it off, the blue eyes were framed with purple around the irises, giving her a haunted, yet… not look.

Her clothes… her_ clothes _were not something you would normally see somebody wear normally who wasn't a slut. She was wear a short white tank-top, that stopped just above her bellybutton and, very short shorts that were ripped up the sides, exposing yet _more _skin, she was wearing long boots that stopped at her knees, with long heels that gave her _another _height advantage.

"Dude" Beast Boy muttered, although he sounded more discussed that impressed "That is just _messed. Up."_

The thing- sorry. The girl was just grinning "What ya doing BB?" She asked, walking over to the couch, jumping over the top and landing sitting next to him "Ohh, can I play?" She suddenly had a controller in her hands, to Cyborgs displeasure "Hey!"

Suddenly she squealed "I WIN!" causing everybody else to do a double take of the screen, which now showed 'SCRFGSGF-DSRGPPRSSDT Wins.'

Robin suddenly got up grabbing the girls hand and tossing her from the room, everybody looked at her with wide eyes, before thanking him with repetitively.

"Thanks Dude."

"Thankyou"  
"Ohhhh! I thank you from deep within me!"  
"Thanks Bird Boy."

"Sooooo" A sweet voice said, behind them causing eyes to widen "What are we going to do? I know! Let's vs Slade in a fight to the _death! _I have had a bad past with him and it is not fair. You see, my mother was a goddess and my father was a demon, so my father, like, killed my mother and then she had me like… 3 days later, but I was banished because I was like, half demon, so I fell to earth and was like, found by this family who took me in, but they, like, abused me and made we cry, but I didn't, like, call the police or anything, 'cause that would be _wrong_. So I, like, lived with this family for years before they all, like, died, I still don't know why. I ran away from the house and like, I went searching and like, found my younger half-brother, who was, like, blown up by Slade! So I flew all the way Jump City while being chased by my father's forces and turned up here to join the Titans!"

"She can say all that in one breath, but couldn't say her _name_?" Cyborg muttered, who was now slowly backing away from the girl.

"How did you get back in here?" Robin demanded, scowling.

"Because it's one of my powers, silly!" She squealed "I can fly and really fast and transform into animals, and fired explosive blots from my eyes and hands, I can use this dark energy - Which comes from my father - and I can talk to animals, read minds, move things with my mind, teleport, create Phoenixes and sooo much more! I also a master gymnast, master marshal artist and can shoot arrows perfectly!"

The Titans just stood shocked and overwhelmed. Beast Boy and Cyborg picked up their controllers again, starting to play their game.

"Wait" Sam asked, turning around "Are you not paying attention to _me_?"

"It's just your imagination, Logan" Beast Boy muttered "Just. Your. Imagination."

He looked at the screen, deciding to use his special power to take down Cy, clicking the button a small black canon appeared on the screen.

"AGGGHHH" Sam screamed, backing away from the screen as if it had caused her physical pain.

All the Titans looked at her, partly in shock, but mostly in joy - something _did _hurt her - but what had caused the screaming?

"What is wrong," Starfire ground out, trying to sound friendly "_Friend _Samantha?"

"A C-C-Canon!" She shrieked "Ca-Canon's are evil! Bad, Bad things! Hurt Sues! Hurt _suethors!"_

Raven grinned, a rare sight, and floated from the room to find a canon, they were sure they would have something like that around the tower.

Everybody grinned and smiled "Oh, a _shame_" Robin said, a smile on his face "I'll make sure no more canons get close to you."  
He turned around as Raven entered the room, pulling a canon behind her, Robin turned back around, faking a gasp.

"Oh look! A canon! I'm sorry; I didn't see it come in!"  
"Ok, Samantha-what-ever-your-name-is-because-I-really-d on't-care-at-all-about-you, time to go!" Cyborg yelled.

"B-But I'm not a Sue, I swear! I have flaws! I have a totally tragic past!" She yelled, voice degrading, she screamed, begging for life "I'm perrrfect! I can't die! I play piano and guitar and sing amazingly well!" Her hair and eyes started to flash different colors, looking like some sort of crazy disco "U cant do this 2 meh!" She tried to back away, but her form started to degrade, slowly becoming a pile of goop "Nooooooo!11!1!1111!" And she dissolved into rainbow sparkles.

Everybody looked shocked, before Robin walked out of the room, coming back with a small vacuum cleaner and sucking it up "I'm going to place this in a lead lined, kryptonite infused container, and ask Aqualad to hide it at the bottom of the ocean."

**What did you think? Hope you enjoyed!**

**Review and/or PM me,**

**- Cat =^.^=**


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